What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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