I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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