i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
