I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
