some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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