It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
