Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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