btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
