And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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