got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
