Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
