You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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