my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
