Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
