Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
