its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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