12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
