I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
