I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize