you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
