I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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