I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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