i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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