would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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