To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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