Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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