Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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