Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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