he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
