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• (515): View more from Iowa

  does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one

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• (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married

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• (408): View more from California

  she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her

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• (858): View more from California

  I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.

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