I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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