when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
