i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my being single is dangerous.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
