I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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