well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
