There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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