I will die if light touches me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
