Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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