Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize