when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
