i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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