Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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