Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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