Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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