Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
