Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
