i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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