last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize