you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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