Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
