Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
