6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
