Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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