Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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