I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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