I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
