i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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