I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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