I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
