How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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