im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize